C'mon Oprah, do some home work..

 I think its a valid question, how do Americans eat Pizzas, Hotdogs tacos, falafels? Also makes one wonder who is the Target Audience for this show ? 

http://www.firstpost.com/bollywood/you-still-eat-with-your-hands-oprahs-magical-mystery-tour-of-india-385494.html#.UA_dgNfABwA.facebook

While there is a school of thought that even questions, should Indians worry about stereotyping ? Oh yes we do, we are one of the most sensitive people, probably second only to Conservative Muslims around the world asking for apologies for everything/every joke that is Indian..Had we not given the story importance, wonder if it would have been so much talked about..

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/left-right-centre/oprah-s-remarks-on-india-should-we-care-about-how-the-west-stereotype-india/240591?pfrom=home-topstories

Dark Knight Rises

Loved Dark Knight Rises ! Loved it. Deserves to be seen again. Background score was just amazing. I have been watching reruns of the prequels just in anticipation of this one..And please don't miss Mehrangargh Fort (JOD) even if for a glimpse..

Also the Meme's on Bane are super funny!

House interior decor

So congratulations, you have signed your new home..and if its a bare shell like most new apartments are, then you have quite some work on your hands.

Always looked at online portals/house magazines/bloggers and imagined your dream home ? Well here is the chance to make it a reality.

Things to remember :

1. Decide your budget. Home decor/interiors have a way of going over budget no matter what.
2. Choose an interior contractor either thro word of mouth or one whose work you liked say at a friends place/neighbours place etc.
3. Make it a point to speak to the people where the work was done to find out if there were any issues and how they got addressed.
4. If the work was done for some client who is not in India and got the work done by speaking to the contractor on the phone/emails etc, also a good idea to assume the contractor/interior decorator knows their job.
5. You may choose to do the interiors at one shot or part by part. It has its own pros and cons.
• Pros of doing the entire job at one shot.
1. There is uniformity in the work you choose(all wood/etc done by the same set of workers/same materials etc)
2. Buying in bulk may work out for cost optimisation esp when labour/carpenters are involved
3. Its a one time headache.
4. Getting a good contractor/Interior decorator might help to source all the jobs/labour at one shot.
• Cons :
1. Its gets quite intensive. And to keep one's attention on what every carpenter is doing really takes a lot out of you
2. if the Contractor is not often onsite, and if their team tends to slack when the boss is not around, you have another issue of chasing.
3. There is a possibility that no room is ready at the same time for you to "start living"
6. Find out the rules and regulations of the Society/committee that you are about to move into. Some have time/hours for working and workers. Example no noise work between 1-3. and no Noise work post 19:00 hours etc. Find this out. Its very important to factor in the actual working hours so your contractor can manage staff and you can manage your leaving from the previous place of residence.
7. An ideal time should be between 6-8 weeks if you are getting the whole house done.
8. Dont try to custom make everything, as this can be very time consuming, Its ok to buy off the shelf at some of these home decor stores if it saves you time and if the wood/designs are what you expected. Maybe buy your Guest beds off the decor store, but your own can be custom built and so on.
9. Avoid the urge to Fill each and every room/gap/space with something. Its your home, you have years to fill it with beautiful things that you find along the way. Bear in mind the clutter issues.
10. Keep a part of the work like Exterior furniture(for balcony/terraces) and landscaping for a later date. This will you a little "less tired" of having workers in and out of your home all the time.

I must say we were very lucky to find Jyotika Baleri of Destination Designs to do up our entire home. She understood the brief, gave her feedback, kept us honest about our budgets, and did a good job with the end result. Lets just say she made our learning experience fun!

House hunting adventures in Bangalore - 3 (Documentation)

Documentation is a very important part of the property you zero in on. 

1. Property related :
1. Check the documents thoroughly.Dont leave this to some two bit lawyer appointed by your agent. Be sure it is someone knowledgeable and indeed looks after your interest(preferably someone who is on YOUR payroll)
2. Akrama-Sakrama factor. This means there are building complexes that are built with an extra floor or extra villa etc other than what is in the original approved plan.  http://www.deccanherald.com/content/45737/ipl-2012.html Its quite convenient for Sellers to leave out this info under "Buyer Beware"
3. A Khata versus B khata. This is another factor that a good lawyer can give your details about how accurate your home papers are. http://basunivesh.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/difference-between-a-khata-and-b-khata-bangalore-property/
2. Bank Related :

1. If the Bank loan officer says the property papers are allright, dont just take their word for it. They are paid on commission for every loan they sign on and have been scammed for overlooking dubious papers. 
2. Most often than not the loan officer will ask you to "just sign" and they will do the rest. Easier said than done. but with so many forms to sign it gets difficult to read it. 
3. As one of the Bankers said, if we read everything on the terms and conditions, no sale would ever take place. 
4. So yes, its like that check box in most internet sites "I have read the terms and conditions" scary but somethings we just leave to fate!
5. The whole deal while working out a Bank loan involves a lot of paper work/details/copies/identity proof etc. Keep a set ready and handy all the time : copy and scan the following documents
• Passport copy of name/address proof
• Letter from your bank stating you live currently at so and so place
• Letter from your office stating your address
• Electricity bill from current place of residence
• Rental agreement
• Utilities bill
• Bank Statements
• Marriage certificate copy if required
• Keep the above for both the person in whose name the loan is being taken and the person who is an addon(example spouse)
3. Registration related :
1. While registering the property just remember that most of these government offices open at 1030-11:00ish for business. So unlike our banker and our agent who knew that the office would open so late, we were asked to turn up with the seller at 08:30a.m.! Quite an awkward place to be, esp since we are new to the act of registering but agents/Bank officers are not. One wonders why they add to the anxiety. 
2. Keep your identification details with you as you will have to show that while signing the agreement.(something your agent/banker might conveniently forget to inform)
3. Keep some cash on hand(10-20k or more as discussed with the agent) for "sundries" -dont expect a bill for it.

Good luck with the documentation. 

House hunting adventures in Bangalore - 2

In our search for our dream home, well we certainly saw a lot of places. Out of every 10 homes we saw in a fortnight, we probably liked 2. Dont despair, some people find a place and like it and sign it immediateley - Remember they are an exception and NOt the rule.


You might wonder if your agent have some quota of places he needs to show in a day and is that he is showing you a few crappy ones too. Be firm and state what you don't want to waste your time looking at stuff which is not in your criteria. 


As we dont have any HGTV in India, most apartments/houses are very very poorly staged. So its very important to like what you see because of what you think it can become in the future. Worst are places where current tenants maintain the home like a sewer!

1. A few homes we saw and liked had some super master bedrooms but a galley like kitchen. In our homes we dont have maids to do the cooking. It is a joint activity. So our Kitchen criteria was something with a lot of work space. Say in case two women-(imagine that) are in the kitchen.
2. Make a list of who all are going to stay in your apartment/house. If there are elderly, be sure NOT to choose too many split levels -as these are sure  traps for having a fall.
3. Ensure the bathrooms are well lit/roomy/dry and elderly/child friendly too. Not all guests/visitors leave bathrooms dry like you might want to, so ensure that is taken care of in the guest/common bathroom.
4. Look for places that dont require too much re-modelling. Sometimes one man's treasure is another man's trash. We were keen to buy an empty shell if the wood work was not up to the mark in most places. 
5. Remember that most sellers who bought their place for investment, and have tenants currently, would have compromised on the interior work with some cheap woodwork. 
6. Do a little home work around the society/gated community you are targeting. Are those sports/gym etc actually working? 
7. What is the cost of maintenance?(some places have a higher maintenance charge)Dont forget to factor that in, as it will add to your monthly expense along with your EMIs.
8. We made a mistake of making just some perfunctory queries thro our agent, who ill advised that some known tenant in the same property said "they had absolutely no problems". 
9. What we overlooked was the gym had stuff which was not working, a swimming pool that was redundant, water issues that were being addressed by the committee and so on..
10. Also a good idea is to figure out what are the rules of the committee,the charges etc. We for one had to struggle while doing up our interiors -as the rules of work timing/workers staying in property changed all the time. 
11. These are things that might have become clear had we introduced ourselves to the committee instead of the builder.
12. Find out the water situation, example we didnt know that after HAL there was no Kaveri drinking water. We have borewells that are treated with Reverse Osmosis.
13. Check the common areas and how they are maintained. 

There are pros and cons with large apartment complexes. 

1. Ask yourself if your kids need a larger play area, and more friends/people to hang out with - a larger apartment complex helps that. 
2. Imagine in a smaller complex if you didn't get along with your  US returned, always-complaining-about-everything-neighbours, well you are stuck aren't you ? But the flip side is its also cosy and you get to know everyone intimately(Maybe a con for some)
3. We zeroed in on an eco friendly building complex which was not ostentatious to look at, and had a very earthy feel to it. It also had fewer buildings/villas and thats why seemed less crowded. 
4. A smaller apartment complex is good if you dont want the crowd and the whole beehive look of the residential property. 
5. Selling and buying property in large complexes would be easier as they are differentiated on price and value addition done.
6. Larger complexes have a good supply demand of work force and prices can be kept optimum esp for domestic help, gardeners, car washers, dog walkers etc..Might not have the same luxury in smaller residential areas.
7. Do check proximity to markets, schools, public transport. Places that are away from the noise/well secluded have the issue of planning your outings/errands due to distance.

So choose whatever appeals to you and your family. Think long term. These are expensive decisions and cannot be changed overnight.  

House hunting adventures in Bangalore

It all started when we decided that it may be time to move into our own place after having lived in a rented accommodation for two years.

A few things we added to our "must have" and "nice to have" list.  

Must have list 

1. Right price within budget
2. Bearing in mind that my husband and in laws are quite tall,  a factor to be included i.e. higher ceilings. Some homes in Bangalore have low ceilings at the most inopportune  places
3. Another "must have" was Privacy. Rooms situated in such a way that there is enough privacy for everyone. 
4. We prefer rooms that are NOT dotting the living room, guests/visitors needn't know where every room is.
5. Good light/air
6. My family is quite loud, so hopefully no ground floor where one probably shouts out to each other, "where did you keep my purse" and so on..the neighbours hear everything. 
7. Also ground floor usually meant less light, or having curtains drawn all the time, another no no.
8. Proximity to place of work. 

The "nice to have list" was quite long as you can imagine. So I will leave that out now. 

Online searching and Agentinvolvement

The search criteria was set up in some of the realty portals : magic Bricks, 99acres.com,indiaproperty and so on.

While we did line up a few places from the search, having an agent or two on the task helps. Their network is way larger and they can line up more places to your liking on a specified day.

Our agent was an old time friend, so there are pluses(lots of hard work and personal involvement) and minuses in such a relationship - one that takes the other for granted 

1. Give your agent a Budget criteria. If your budget is say 30 Lakhs, be sure most Indian agents will start showing you places for Rs. 50 Lakhs. 
2. Most would say "your budget is not enough". It never is "enough" for them. Even at Rs. 2 Crores, agents are known to say they have only property for Rs. 4 Crores. Dont get swayed by it. 
3. The higher the budget, the higher their commission. Ideally most agents like working for big ticket budgets. But dont let that bother you. They are also sensing how far you will stretch your budget.
4. Stick to your budget. Imagine if you said your budget is 20L, your agent will start showing you something for 30L. Get the drift ? See a few. and then decide what is your actual budget and what you are NOT ready to budge from.
5. Fix your walk-away price after that, since you get a glimpse of what work the agent can do and what are the properties in his kitty. 

We took a good 6-8 months in our search. At times in a job market like ours, sometimes a possible long term overseas posting etc might put the brakes on your house search, so be transparent with your agent and seller about it.

A piece of advice while house/apartment hunting :

1. Check the property in daylight. Which rooms have enough light and air, would be easily visible.
2. Check for quality of doors and windows. These soon become big ticket items if you were change or repair everything
3. See walls for dampness or for water stains. Address Seepage problems with builder/seller if possible
4. Check floors for stains. possible water logging(example in balconies/bathrooms etc)
5. Quick check the plumbing. Are the flush/taps working
6. If there is wood work done, check for wood borer problems. if its an empty place even better. 
7. Check balconies to see if there is a proper sunshade or so to divert the water from rains. 

A good idea will be to sign some of these off with the seller/builder before closing a deal.

Remember you are a buyer/customer and therefore can make a few demands like asking the seller to include some stuff if required in the agreed price and so on. 

Watch out for sellers/and seller's agents who put on an act like they are doing you "a favour"(in case you come off as someone who loved the place too much) you might end up seeming needy and agreeing to most of the seller's demands! This is a buyer's market so please know you can push a little. 

A fact :

You will never know what a "good price" for a property is untill you check around enough to know what "VALUE" it has for you right now and in case you decide to upgrade and sell this in the future. 

David and Goliath

For some reason these days, i feel like david would have felt. In this case Goliath is a huge multinational with deep pockets whom I am fighting against.

http://gardenofpraise.com/bibl14s.htm

i Especially liked this part which is giving me some faith.

What does this story
mean to me?

David trusted God to help him even though the giant was much larger than he was. Do you have any "giants" in your life? Is there something so big that you don't see a way to overcome it? Ask God for help in meeting this enemy. Go to your parent, teacher, or a trusted adult for their wise counsel. Don't try to solve the problem by yourself.

Update : As for September 2009, this matter was resolved to my favour.  

The Trouble Tree

Received this email from a friend and must say I am going to get myself a little plant atleast!

The Trouble Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my
curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children...

So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God

to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again."

"Funny thing is," he smiled," when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

South Indian Weddings

Hellows and my long absence was primarily my wedding on the 23rd of March. While most brides seem to be nervous and so on, i must say i was also having a lot of fun as i enjoyed and appreciated the rituals. Most of the day passed in a whirlwind and before i knew it, we were Mr. and Mrs. Iyer!

I received an email from a friend which summarises most of the rituals in a Tamil Brahmin wedding. Have reproduced same here with some of our wedding pictures.

THE RITUALS AND THE RATIONALE

The Hindu Wedding Ceremony has a number of rituals and customs most of which are often labelled as superstitious or time wasting. It is believed to be nothing but rituals more rituals. But have we asked ourselves what a " Ritual " is? A ritual begins as a creative rational action to express a sentiment or idea – like the lighting of lamp to dispel darkness at twilight or folding of hands into a "Namaste" to greet an elder. As more and more people succeeding generation repeat the action it becomes a convention – then a RITUAL. A ritual is thus an action on which time has set its seal of approval.

The Ritual of the Hindu Wedding too is each symbolic of beautiful and noble sentiments. Unfortunately today many parents and couples perform them without an awareness of the rich meaning behind them.

A modest attempt has therefore been made to briefly describe the meaning and significance of the rituals of a Tamil Brahmin Wedding. Mostly this are applicable to any other Hindu section. For the elders, this information may be superfluous but it is hoped the younger generation, especially those yet to be married, may find this useful.

So let us take you around . . . . .

As you enter you see . . .

• Full-grown plantain trees tied to both the gateposts – Eternal tree of evergreen plenty for endless generations!
• Festoons overhead of mango leaves, and screw-pine petals that never fade!
• Notes of the Nadaswaram, the South Indian Shehnai!
• Kolam or Rangoli designs at the doorsteps – an artistic welcome!
• At threshold of the hall, sprinklings of rosewater, offerings of flower, sandal batter, sugar candy!

THE EVENING PREVIOUS TO THE MARRIAGE DAY

USHERING-IN OF THE BRIDEGROOM

On the evening prior to the wedding day, the bridegroom is to be brought in a procession from a temple in a flower decorated car. He is escorted by the bride’s parents, and welcome at the marriage mandap, which is the bride’s abode. Nadaswaram band leads the way along the streets, the flower decorated car jam-packed with children.

This is a social function, called JANA VASAM in South India and BARAAT in North India.

Through such a parade, public approval is sought of the groom, chosen by the family.

After reaching the marriage hall, there is a formal ceremony of betrothal.

ON THE WEDDING DAY

THE PRELIMINARY INVOCATION

‘GANAPATI PUJA’

As in an inauguration of any function so also in a marriage – Ganapati, the God of Initiation is invoked, to keep away all impediments.

‘NANDI DEVATA PUJA’
There are several presiding deities – the Nandi Devatas. To propitiate them, a leaf-laden branch of the pipal tree is installed, and an ablution with milk is performed by five Sumangalis (housewife, with husband living). This puja is followed by a presentation of a dhothi, and a saree to the marrying couple.

‘NAVAGRAHA PUJA’
This is performed to propitiate the nine astral planets that rule over man’s destiny.

VRATHAM
The marriage ceremonies begin with the Vratham performed separately by the bride and the groom. For the bride, it means the tying of the KAPPU – the holy thread on her wrist which is meant to ward off all evil spirits. It symbolises a kind of the protective armour for the bride. For the groom, the various Gods – Indra, Soma, Chandra, Agni. From there on, the groom prepares himself for a new chapter in his life as a householder or Grihasta. The days of his bachelorhood or brahmacharya are now over and the acceptance of this is all what the Vratham is about.

‘KASI YATRA’
This a very important part of the ceremony. Immediately after his student-life, the young bachelor has two alternatives before him – Married life ( Grihasta ) or asceticism ( Sanyas ). Being by nature escapist, he prefers the ascetic life to the tribulations of married life. He therefore ‘makes his way’ to kasi (VARANASI), complete with slippers, umbrella, bamboo fan etc. On his way, the bride’s father intervenes and advises him of the superiority of married life to ascetic life. He also promises to give him his daughter as companion to face the challenge of life. The umbrella is to remain with groom, to remind him in the future, of this advice.the real tradition.

‘VAAKU NICHAYA MUHOORTHAM’
At the marriage hall, the bride’s father and the bridegroom’s father facing each other, solemnise the final betrothal ceremony, the vedic priest chanting the relevant hymns-in which the names of the bride, the bridegroom, as well as the names of their three generations of ancestors, are cited in presence of friends, relatives, and invitees.

The manthras say : "O God Varuna, Be she harmless to my brothers and sisters! Oh Brihaspathi! May she no evil to her husband! O Lord Indra! Bless her to be a good guardian of her children! O Surya! Bless her with all wealths! "

EXCHANGE OF GARLANDS

The bride and the groom are lifted to the shoulders of their respective uncles; and in that position the two garland each other thrice for a complete union. A garland worn by a person, should not be used by another, ordain our shastras. Here the exchange of garlands symbolises their unification – as one soul in two bodies. It is inward acceptance by each of the very fragrance of the other.

‘OONCHAL’

SWING, RIDE AND SINGING OF LAALI

Then, the marrying couple is seated on a swing ( OONCHAL); they rock forth and back, as the ladies around sing – LAALI, songs to praise to the couple. The chains of the swing signify the eternal Karmic link with Almighty above; the to-and-fro motion represent the undulating sea-waves of life; yet, in mind and body they shall move in harmony unperturbed, steady and stable.

‘PAALIKAI’ SEEDS SOWING

This is fertility rite. Paalikais are earthen pots prepared a day earlier – pots spread at the base with hariali grass and Bael leaves (Vilvam); nine kinds of pre-soaked cereals are ceremonially sown in these pots by Sumangalis. After the marriage, the sprouted seedlings are released in a river or pool. This ritual invokes the blessings of the eight-direction-quartered guardian angles, for a healthy life and progeny to the couple.

‘VARA PUJA’

The feet of the bridegroom is washed in milk, and wiped off with silk.

Water, and lighted lamps are circulated around the swing in order to guard the couple against demons and ghosts.

Coloured globules of cooked rice are waved in circular motion, and thrown away – to propitiate the evil spirits.

‘KANYA DHAANAM’

The bride is made to sit on her father’s lap and is given away as gift by him, to the bridegroom.

On the girl’s head, a ring made with Kusa, the sacred grass called DARBHA, is placed, and over it, is placed a yoke; the Gold Mangal Sutra ( or THAALI ) is placed right on the aperture of the yoke, and water is poured through the aperture. The Mantras chanted at this time, say:

"Let this gold multiply your wealth! Let this water purify your married life, and may your prosperity increase. Offer yourself to your husband! "

The bride then is given an auspicious ablution, and an exclusive new KOORAI Saree is draped around her – this is done by the sister of the bridegroom.

To bride in her new saree, a belt made of reed-grass is tied around the waist. The manthras chant:

"She standeth here, pure before the holy fire, as one blessed with boons of a good mind, a healthy body, life-long companionship of her husband ( Sumangali Bhagyam ) and children with long life. She standeth as one who is avowed to stand by her husband virtuously. Be she tied with this red-grass rope, to the sacrament of marriage! "

Thanks giving vedic hymns follow to the celestial caretakers of her childhood: the Deities of SOMA, GANDHARVA and AGNI. Having attained nobility, the girl is now free to be given over to the care of the human – her man.

The Vedic concepts underlying this ritual is figuratively this: that in her infant stage, SOMA had given her coolness of the moon, and strength; in the next stage, GANDHARVA had given her bodily beauty; and lastly AGNI gave her passions.

The father of the bride, while offering his daughter chants: "I offer ye my daughter, a maiden virtuous, good-natured, very wise, decked with ornaments to the best of my ability-; that she shall guard the Dharma, Wealth, and Love! "

THE BRIDEGROOM’S ASSURANCE

Thus offering her daughter, her father gets a word of assurance three times that the bridegroom shall remain for ever her companion in joy and sorrow – in this life, and after death too!

‘KANKANA DHARANAM’
The bride ties a string fastened to a piece of turmeric, around the wrist of the bridegroom – to bind themselves by a religious vow. It is only after tying the Kankanam that the bridegroom gets the right to touch the bride. A little later, the bridegroom ties a Kankanam on the bride’s wrist.

‘MAANGALYA DHARANAM’
Next, timed to exact auspicious hour, is the tying of the Mangala Sutra ( Thaali ). The bride seated over a sheaf of grain-laden hay, looking eastward, and the bridegroom facing westward, ties the gold Mangala Sutra around the neck of the bride. As he does so, the Nadaswaram drums are beaten loud and fast, so as to muffle any inauspicious sounds at the critical hour. This is calledGetti Melam; as it sounds, the Sumangali ladies sing "GOURI KALYANAME, VAIBHOGAMAY! "

Three knots are tied – the first one by the bridegroom, the other two knots by his sister to make the bride a parts of the boy’s family. The Vedic hymn recited by the bridegroom when he ties the knot, is: " Praying the Almighty that I be blessed with a long life, I tie this knot around your neck, oh soubhaygavati, may providence bestow on you a fulfilling life of a ‘Sumangalis’ for a hundred years to come! "

‘PAANI GRAHANAM’

This means "holding hands". The groom holds the hand of the bride. The Manthras say: The Devas have offered you to me in order that I may live the life of a householder ( GRIHASTA ); we shall not part from each other even after we grow old! "

‘SAPTHA PADHI’

Holding the bride’s hand, the bridegroom walks seven steps with her. This is the most important part of the marriage ceremony, and only when they walk seven steps together ( i.e. perform SAPTHA PADHI ) is the marriage complete legally. The belief is that when one walks 7 steps with another, one becomes the another’s friend. The manthras recited then, mean: "Ye who have walked seven steps with me, become my companion, where by I acquire your friendship. We shall remain together inseparable. Let us make a vow together; we shall share love, share the same food, and share the strength, the same tastes. We shall be of one mind, we shall observe the vow together. I shall be the SAMA, you the RIG: I shall be the Upper World, you the earth; I shall be the SUKHILAM, you the HOLDER – together we shall live, beget children, and other riches, come thou, O sweet-worded girl! "

‘PRADHAANA HOMAM’
A crucial part of the wedding is the homage paid by the couple to AGNI, the fire- God. They circle around the fire, and feed it with ghee, and twigs of nine types of trees, as sacrificial fuel. The fumes that arise, are supposed to possess medicinal, curative and cleansing effects on the bodies of the couple.

AGNI, the mightiest power in the cosmos, the sacred purifier, the all-round benefactor, is deemed as a witness to the marriage (AGNI SAAKSHI )

TREADING ON THE GRINDSTONE

Holding the bride’s left foot toe, the bridegroom helps her tread on a grindstone kept on the right side of the fire. The Manthras says: "Mount up this stone. Let thy mind be roc-firm, unperturbed, by the trials and tribulations of life! "

SHOWING HER THE "ARUNDHATI " STAR
Next he shows her the Star ARUNDHATI ( of the SAPTHA RISHI Constellation ), as also DHRUVA the polestar. Arundhati, the wife of VASISHTA Mahrishi, is exemplified as an ideal wife, the embodiment of chastity. DHRUVA is the one who attained immortality through single-minded devotion and perseverance – virtues to be emulated through out married life.

‘LAAJA HOMAM’
This shall comprise the bride’s own offering to the sacrificial fire. As she is forbidden to do it herself, her brother helps her. He gives her a handful of parched rice grains which she hands to bridegroom who on her behalf, feeds it into the fire. Through this food offering, the bride seeks a long life for her husband, and propagation of the family. Participation of the bride’s family members indicates the continuance of links between the two families, even after marriage. The couple circle around the fire, three times, and the feeding of the fire with parched rice, is repeated thrice.

SHOWERING OF ‘AKSHADAI’
Akshadai, i.e. rice-grains coated with turmeric and saffron, are showered on the couple, by elders and invitees – as benediction.

‘GRIHA PRAVESAM’
Taking with her, fire from the Laaja Homam, the bride takes leave of her home, and enters the new home of her in-laws. The vedic hymns now sound likes the mother’s words of advice to her daughter: "Be the queen of your husband’s home. May your husband glorify your virtues; conduct yourself in such a way that you win your mother-in-law’s love, and be in the good books of your sister’s-in-law."

‘NALUNGU’
The evening of the marriage day is the time to relax and play. The newly wed wife calls her husband for play, inviting him through a song. Much to the merriment of one and all gathered, there follows list of playful items: the bride anointing the groom’s feet with colour paste ; fanning him, showing him a mirror; breaking papads over each other’s head; wrenching the betel pack from each other’s hand; rolling the coconut from one to another as in ball-play; and so on. During these items, the ladies sing songs poking fun at the bride, groom and the in-laws.

These events brings out many qualities of the bride and the groom – sporting spirit, kindness, strength, co-operative nature etc.

THE NIGHT TIME HOMAMS

• THE JAYAATHI HOMAM – is performed to propitiate the Gandharvas and deities.

PRAVESA HOMAM – is done to solemnise the bride’s entry in to the husband’s home. The sacrificial fire is brought along by the bride.

SESHA HOMAM – is Fire oblation with the residual ghee, a little of which is sprinkled on the bride’s head four times.

THAAMBOOLA CHARVANAM & BALA DHAANAM
The girl’s brother gives the ceremonial first betel to the couple to chew. Certain other gifts are made to bless the couple

with children and long life.

MANGALA ARATHI
A solution of lime and turmeric powder, and in colour, is prepared on a plate, and circled around, and thrown away to ward off evil eye. This is done a number of times during the entire wedding ceremony, and at the end.

SHANTI MUHOORTHAM
The consummation of the marriage at night – the nuptials!

Nostalgia and train journeys part II

A lot has changed and now train journeys are also a preferred mode of transport at work, what with high cost and all..

One of my favorite co-passengers is a colleague of mine as we travelled often from Kolkata to Bhubaneshwar, or Kolkata to Vizag and back  by train.  He would be surprised at my choice of taking  the upper berth. We would chat about work, work on our laptop, discuss strategies and then decide to call it a day. In fact he would treat me a bit like a princess(i don't have a problem with that), as we used to get constant supply of tea and attention from the attendant right from lunch to dinner(in case it was a slightly longer journey)! These used to be so much more productive and restful than the plane rides for these short distances with equal number of time spent to and from the airports..

My most recent train trip was  to Mumbai. We travelled by the 1st class and had an A/c Coupe for two for ourselves. I must say that this was much needed as it gave us so much time to just un wind and be ourselves. Thankfully the phones didn't ring and there were no fires at work(what with it being Friday night and Saturday the whole day perhaps) The privacy adds to the romance of trains. I watched a beautiful movie, "The English Patient" and was really happy with the "me" time.

Oh yeah, add to that the familiar "chai coffee" sounds, the sights have changed as some of the fields seem to be missing and now seem barren and dry, the ghat sections now have bungalows dotting them..its no longer the same..

The best part is having family members coming to pick you up. Whats a journey without some old fashioned love and hugs on the station!Trust my family to do that..no matter when you land or arrive :-)

This train journey was memorable..and timeless. A part of me didn't want it to end..but i know we had reached our destination and we were here for another journey to begin....

Nostalgia and Train journeys..part I

Long distance train journeys  always meant end of exams and the start of long vacations. For us it meant going to Chennai or Kerala/Mangalore on holidays. Mostly it used to be Chennai as my grandparents lived there. 

The sights and sounds of the platforms at every stop, the Chaiyya-Coffee sounds, each station known for its own famous eats like Batata wadas from Karjat, Chikki from Lonavla, Aampapad from Renigunta/Guntakal, Coffee at Arakonnam..it was all just too good.. 

The packed lunches my mom made was super. While one may wonder why it tastes so good in a train or a picnic--were we more hungry ? or was it just the anticipation of something good! The jury is still out on that one..memories of  idlis soaked with molagapodi, The Puliyodarai, the Chapatti and Potato Masala, and my other favorite Pulao, would make me want to take a train journey again.

We used to also get in vegetables(boiled potatoes, Tomatoes, Cucumbers etc) for slicing and quickly making Veggie sandwiches. My mom brought Hot water in a flask, instant coffee and Milk powder(Have u ever tried eating milk powder and getting it stuck on the upper palate of the mouth ? BLISS) My moms coffee rocked and she was always prepared! I love the way she made every experience a kind of an extravagant indulgence for us..No wonder my dad hates travelling without her. 

As kids my brother and I loved the Mail trains which used to mean two nights in the trains, we loved trains that got delayed which meant more time in the train. We loved to stand by the door with our mom and enjoy the breeze hitting our faces. The sights of Fireflies and the undisturbed night sky where the stars shone like we could never see in the city. The paddy fields, the sunflowers, the children running and waving at passing trains, we used to wave back like old friends..

My favorite place was the upper berth. and most of the the fellow passengers used to marvel at the way i used to climb up quite deftly. I loved to lounge in with  comics and have my Mom supply all the food up to me :-) My brother on the other hand was a night hawk and stayed up all night watching train stations.

Making friends in the train was another fun thing to do..sharing lunches and conversation was so much interesting..and nope we did not fear not know about the biscuit bandits then(some group of thieves who offered drug laced biscuits to unsuspecting passengers and robbed them of their valuables. Shame) Which also brings to mind this interesting term in Tamil/Malayalam RAIL SNEHAM, which means friends we make in trains whom we don't necessarily keep in touch..but it lasts till the journey ends..Have often  wondered how come have NEVER met any of the fellow passengers again or recognised them if i did..

One thrill was watching the UP train go by as we were the DOWN train and vice versa..to see them in the next track and mock thinking, hey they are going back home or some such random thought..well our vacation was only beginning, so we could  !

The other thrill was at times getting down with DAD at some bigger junction(with the longer time stop) and watch the Engine Change. Don't ask why but it just seemed so fascinating.. Even watching the train wind through and see its engine from the door was such a joy! My brother used to know when it changed from Electric to Diesel and back ..

I remember as kids going to the ICF coach factory in Perumbur and loved the way the wagons were made..in fact we saw a glimpse of one of the LUXURY coaches of the palace on wheels, which i promised myself i would travel by one day.....

Will the humble Cloth Bag please stand up...

In south Indian weddings one usually has a little giveaway bag also called "Muhurtam Pai" which contains a number of auspicious things like coconuts, betel leaves/nuts, Kumkumum and so on and these are given after the Wedding ceremony is completed.  In the old days these used to be given away in YELLOW and REd bags signifying Manjal/Kumkumum or Turmeric/Crimson which are auspicious for any wedding.

These bags are usually given at South Indian stores like Saree shops, Coffee Shops(who can forget the very typical LEO Coffee Bags) with the names of the shops. As these bags are re-used by so many of us while shopping for vegetables and the like, its an obvious reusable/recycleable item

Our wedding contractor said that since its OLD FASHIONED, we only have plastic bags that can be arranged. And the Jute bags were bloody expensive. While one can debate if that was the cost price or we were being deterred as he would rather have us going for the "very popular" Plastic bag, Thought i must try and source it from Chennai. The place where we claim to have NOT lost the love for tradition and all things OLD.

I went to Parry's Corner(basis some recommendations), the area near Olympic Card shop full of shops that wholesale Wedding/puja/Upanayanam type bags. All kinds of bags in plastic and thermocole like material, some crap material called NETLON even but NO cloth Bags!! The shop keepers tell me wistfully no one will have cloth bags in these stores and most people sourced only plastic and the ilk for auspicious functions. 

I finally found two stores(bless them) that actually made them in Cloth one was a very nondescript shop A. Anantha Krishna Chetty & Son(N.S.C. Bose Road) and another was S. N. Rao and Sons(Bunder street) who actually made cloth Bags and could deliver it in time for the wedding.

Had also tried sourcing it from one of our well known handloom kurta/home furnishing shops. While they said it would be INR 12 per piece(they made them out of Cut pieces) and needed a week to hand it over. It would be too late. But i would like to recomend that option in case one has enough time.

Then there is Cotton World(CWC), wherein you add INR 10 with your bill, and Cotton world adds inr 20 and your shopping gets packed in a cloth bag, the proceeds of which go to Child Relief & You(CRY). You can also buy them at INR 30 per piece.

Other sources I tried and failed was Co-optex! and the huge handloom exhibition that's on in EGMORE near CO-OPTEX. can you believe it, No cloth bags!

So what happened to the humble cloth Bag ? I still remember my grand moms and my mom using old curtains to remake Bags for shopping, cushions/pillow covers, as all households at some time or the other had a Merritt Singer Sewing machine. Why I still remember  bags made of my old School uniform skirts(with the sides upturned to get the non faded side) and we had Bags! 

I think I can safely say that, am a Fan of the humble cloth bag and glad it takes its rightful  place during a VERY important event in my life on 23rd March!

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And here is an update after this. http://ecofriendlyindianhome.blogspot.in/2012/09/cloth-bags-anyone.html